Life as a Blonde Riajuu is Wrong, as I Expected
by Rinto
Summary: Since that day, Hayama Hayato was never the same. The old Hayato was the ace of the soccer team and exam top notcher. The old Hayato was smooth, helpful, and understanding. The old Hayato always had a smile ready for others. But the new Hayama Hayato wan't like that at all. He is silent. He is mischievous. He is different. And he's trying to live with it. SI!Hayato
1. Chapter 1

The sun.

An accursed sphere of flame. A sphere of flame so hated, a great number of individuals curse its existence every morning. How much more you would have been loved if you came up perhaps 2 hours later. Or maybe 3 hours. That would be enough, wouldn't it?

Indeed, no sphere of flame in the universe is as hated as the sun is.

Actually, my point is supposed to be that I should have at least two more hours of sleep time! What kind of person would wake up early during a school break? Definitely not me.

Though mom would probably kill me for sleeping in.

Oh well, nothing ventured, nothing gained, am I right?

With that in mind, I fell right back asleep.

* * *

Which was a huge mistake. Huge mistake. Huge mistake. I was shook awake by unfamiliar hands that kept screaming with an unfamiliar voice.

Who are you, woman?

I ignored the countless things she kept saying, keeping my head buried in countless pillows (that actually seem unbearably soft today, how amazing), I hid deeper into my precious, somehow extra extra large blanket to prevent those grubby hands from disturbing me further.

Apparently it wasn't enough, as this woman suddenly evolved and gained lightning fast agility! A wild encounter surprised me, Pokedex, please help me.

It was only out of my sheets that I realized what happened.

 _Unfamiliar hands_

 _Unfamiliar voices_

What the fuck? Have I been kidnapped?

In an instant I was awake. I backed away, far, far, far from the unknown. With my back to the wall, my eyes opened.

 _Unbearably soft pillows_

 _Extra large blanket_

Like hell I'm that rich. I'm still saving for a PS4, you know?

Continuing my scan, I found more curious things.

 _Ridiculously large room_

 _Expensive high-specs laptop_

 _Woman dressed in a maid outfit_

 _Huge desk stacked high with –_

Wait. My eyes scoured the room again.

 _Woman dressed in a maid outfit_

A maid?! She's been talking a lot, actually. I haven't been listening to her. She's probably the one talking since awhile ago? "Young master!" She keeps screaming.

How kinky. This must be a dream, and what a dream this must be. If this is a dream then…

I take a step forward. "Maid." I say in my sternest voice.

Instantly the young maid stops, her face flushed. She was exasperated and relieved, yeah, but most surprisingly, she was blushing.

"Y-Yes, Young Master?" she stutters out.

I smile confidently. "Please move closer to me."

Shyly, the maid walks closer and closer, her gaze focused on her twiddling thumbs. "Y-Young Master, I r-really don't think we should be doing t-this…" she tells me. "It's inappropriate…"

I place my hand on her shoulder and guide her to the mattress, slightly ruffled from the waking up experience.

But of course, as with all particularly good dreams. Something always goes wrong and wakes you up. I trip over a soccer ball of all things.

Well, it was a good dream while it lasted, I suppose…

My head hits the floor, the soccer ball ricocheting off the wall twice to land right on my face.

"Young master!" The maid shouts for me, checking my wounds.

After a moment, she sighs, seemingly content that the hit wasn't too hard and there was only a minor bruise. "Young master, are you all right? I came here to wake you up. It's not like you to sleep in like this." She offers me her hand to raise myself up and I accept. "You aren't yourself today."

Indeed I wasn't myself today.

My tripping landed me right in front of the room's unfamiliarly large mirror.

 _Blonde hair_

 _Blue eyes_

 _Super athletic body_

 _Actually super handsome_

As I continued staring at the guy in the mirror, I saw the maid continue speaking from my position on the floor. "Young master, it seems that you're not yourself today, although you don't seem to be sick or injured. Your father has already left for work. I will not say anything if you wish to be absent from school today, but as your maid, it is my duty to aid you. Please don't let this become a habit." What a loyal maid. I'd love to have someone as loyal to me as this maid.

Seriously, she's such a super maid. "With that said, I will leave you here for today. If there's anything you need, please do not hesitate to rely on me."

I nodded, and she left the room silently. With footsteps like that, serious attitude, and discipline, I have no doubts that she's actually a ninja. I don't doubt it, I can't. _Believe it!_ I wonder if she can teach me the Shadow Clone Jutsu.

No point wondering about that now, I guess. I push off the floor and I easily stand.

Now, you might be thinking. Okay, so that was weird. You woke up into a strange room with strange things that really don't belong to you with a strange yet loyal nin-maid at your side. What could be weird about standing up?

Uh, duh?

The fact that the blonde haired, blue eyed, athletic, and handsome guy in the mirror is mimicking what I'm doing. It kind of frustrates me how suave and cool he looks no matter what I do to twist his facial expressions.

Ignoring that, because this is obviously a dream, I head straight to his laptop. Hey! Don't judge! This dream is weird, okay? But when things are weird, go and explore!

I pinch myself before reaching the screen because I'm not that naïve.

Am I still really asleep?

I return my gaze to the mirror.

His handsome gaze looks back.

I turn away and look at the expensive laptop. Log in, right?

The user's name is… Hayama Hayato.

The password isn't filled, but it seems the thing has a fingerprint scanner. The laptop accepts my fingerprint to log in to the user Hayama Hayato.

I'm not stupid! I go to check the user profile and information.

Hayama Hayato, blonde hair, blue eyes, athletic, handsome.

Student of Sobu High…? Oregairu? Elaborate dream prank guys, good job. Iroha forever, now let me out of this weird dream.

 _Bzzzt_

The sound of a phone rings out. My hand reaches out and grabs it on instinct, placing the finger on the fingerprint scanner to unlock the phone like I do on _my phone_.

First thing that pops up is a message from one Miura Yumiko.

 _Hey Hayato, how are you? It's not like you to be absent, so I'm just texting to check on you. Because I'm a bit worried._

And one more from Kakeru Tobe

 _Hayato, my man! Where are you? You're not sick are you? Miura's pretty worried about you, you know?_

Sounds like these two are worried.

Instantly, I feel a bit envious of this Hayama Hayato. People are already looking for you, huh?

I shake my head. Before any of that, I need to confirm something first. I head back to the menu. Camera Camera Camera – Found it. Shaking away my hesitance, I start it up. The camera's pointing away from me, but my heart's already pounding really quickly. Last second. I pinch myself on the arm _hard_ and leg and even slap myself multiple times in the face but nothing changes. Nothing's happening. I won't wake up.

I finally manage to make the camera face me. I should see my own face on the phone's screen -

 _Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Athletic. Handsome._

Instead, Hayama Hayato's face stared back.

* * *

Yahallo guys! This is something that's been bothering me. I really wanted to write this SI fic, on the Oregairu fanfiction of all things! I must be quite insane, heh! Well, the truth is that I've been really interested in Hayama. He's more deep than is expected, which is what I love about Oregairu. Supporting characters and their feelings, they're expanded on and they impact others just as much as the main character's emotions and situations do. I especially love how Ebina Hina was done!

About best girls, well, I'll declare it here right now. Iroha is best girl. Fite me. HAHAHA just kidding

This fic (probably) won't feature SIOC!Hayato x Iroha unless something changes my mind. The whole story will be about this SIOC, after all, which is already pretty selfish. I don't want this fic to be all about my own personal wishes heheh

What I do want is for this fic to talk about our SIOC's struggles socially, sort of like Hachiman, and how everything and everyone reacts to a different Hayama.

And one sort of secret thing, which I won't reveal for now. I have plans too, you know?

Until then, bye guys!


	2. Chapter 2

Today marked the day I sold my soul to my maid for a smile and swaying hips.

* * *

It was dark. My body was both hot and cold at the same time. But it was comfortable, so I didn't complain.

In the corner of my vision, a demon chuckled. I choked. I saw _her._ Yes. _Her._

 _monika_

Instantly my heart rate quickened, going DOKI DOKI real strong. I fell back but every step I took away from the apparition only brought her closer and closer. I heard a tune start playing from behind me. I turned around and ran, anything to get away from _her_. My heart was in my throat. I forced myself to swallow. Sneaking a look behind me, I was greeted with a sight of _nothing there._

I forced myself to calm down. Panicking under such DOKI DOKI situations won't do me much good. Finally relaxing, I was finally able to listen to the song playing.

A little bit of _Monika_ in my life.

A little bit of _Monika_ by my side.

A little bit of _Monika_ 's all I need.

A little bit of _Monika_ 's what I see.

A little bit of _Monika_ in the sun.

A little bit of _Monika_ all night long.

A little bit of _Monika_ here I am.

A little bit of you( _Monika)_ makes me your man.

I turned around.

 _i've got you_

Peach blonde hair. Blue eyes. Red ribbon. Simple brown school uniform. Blue skirt. The sight that greeted me with an iPhone X in hand was

 _sayori_

* * *

I woke up to the pretty maid from before. Her face was tinged with a look of worry and I can tell she was doing her best to remain professional… or not. She was being pretty personal here, you know. I didn't know that she wanted me so bad, maybe I was more attractive than I thought? A strand of my blonde raijuu hair falls on my face and I feel stupid for even thinking that. Of course I'm attractive now. I'm in Hayama Hayato's body, after all.

Still, pretty maid or not, I still don't know her name. To think I don't even know her name after how much she took care of me just today. She's even personally fanning me.

"Um, excuse me…" I croaked out. I winced. My voice was hoarse. What happened to me?

She startled. She clearly wasn't expecting me to wake up. What did she think I was, Sleeping Beauty? "Young master…" she paused, inspecting my condition. She heaved a sigh. "Young master, are you alright? When I came here, you seemed to be having a nightmare."

I winced. Clearly I played too much Doki Doki Literature Club.

She continued. "I went into your room because you hadn't eaten breakfast or left your room and it was lunch time already. When I went in, you were sickly and troubled and screaming 'Moni-'"

I gripped her hand. " _Do not say her name."_ My voice was still hoarse but I did my best to stop her.

She nodded.

Thank you. Do not mention that name.

"Thank you. I'm sorry but I don't remember your name." I changed the subject to something better.

She looked at me quizzically. "My name is Sayori."

My heart shoved itself up my throat. "Your name is Sayori…?"

Her smile was innocent. Her smile was sweet and innocent. Sweet and innocent. Sayo-nara. Sweet smiles. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. Hxppy thxughts. Happy thoughts. Sweet, innocent, and _feral._ I shivered with fear. "Please. _Just Sayori_."

What kind of nightmare is this? Inception nightmare? Waking up as Hayama Hayato the blonde riajuu after a nightmare of _Doki Doki Literature Club_ and a maid Sayori. Can I just end this? Stop this? Where's the part when I stop existing in this world as a fictional character and leave you guys hanging? Where's the justice? I bet Hachiman is a cute and sneaky social girl, Yukino is a kind airhead, and Yui is top of the batch and a bitch! And Iroha won't have fish eyes, of course, that sly girl. I kind of just swapped around their character traits, didn't I? Except Yui's latter half. Heh. Because Yui is always a bitch. I'm rambling now, I need to calm down calm down calm down.

Calm down.

"So uh…" I sneak a glance at her, and she seems perfectly normal. "Sayori, then?" she nods. I nod back.

"Now that you seem to be a bit better…" she starts. She gestures to the clock. The time on the room's wall clock says 2:23. "It is past your breakfast and lunch time, young master. You must be hungry." She says.

Well, she's not wrong. Before we go, however… "Thank you, Sayori." I tell her, before opening the door and stepping out. I catch her smile before I set out unto the hallways in search of the dining room. "You're welcome, young master. I hear her say in that sweet voice of hers before I feel her hand on my shoulder. "Although you may not be feeling well yet. The dining room is in the other direction."

I follow her without skipping a beat. "Thanks again, loyal maid Sayori."

* * *

I spent most of the day exploring the surprisingly large apartment. Which had a bath, toilet, kitchen, dining room, two bedrooms, and a comfortably large living room. It was pretty amazing. The Hayamas sure are rich.

According to Sayori, Sobu High was only a 15 minute walk away. So were a few malls and shopping districts where I could get pretty much anything I need. So not only is this apartment quite luxurious, it even has a great location. No doubt this seemingly perfect Gary Stu named Hayama Hayato would have everything work out for him. He even has a cute girl living with him in this apartment, maid or not.

Speaking of Sayori, she asked to be hired by the Hayamas to take care of me. Does she have a crush on Hayama Hayato? In such a case, I need to pick one of Iroha's rejections to use. Wait, I should probably use a softer rejection. Iroha might be cute and sly, but her rejections might be too much for a real confession, right? I'll answer her properly and make sure to take care of her too so as not to leave Sayori hanging.

Ehem. Might be overthinking there. Not even sure if she likes me.

My room was really nice too. It was organized, every book was in place. Every wire was organized, complete with organizer. My laptop has not lagged or frozen since I started using it, it's amazing. I already started downloading games. I was surprised that Doki Doki Literature Club existed in this fictional universe, actually, considering this girl that looks and seems to be like Sayori is here. I hope her room here is different and not the exact same as in the game.

Speaking of weird things existing in the world, so does My Teenage Romance Comedy SNAFU. Oregairu. Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteru. That's really weird. I found it on the internet. Just typing the title in google gives me a lot to work with. Do Hayama Hayato and his friends not know they're in a light novel and an anime? Or was the whole thing staged, typewritten and recorded by Wataru Watari? Are the things in the novel and anime real events that Wataru Watari simply writes down and sells? That's brilliant. It just stinks of copyrights. Unless the characters get royalties.

Are the characters getting royalties? Is this how Hikitani fulfills the money condition of his being a househusband? If so, how sneaky, that's amazing. I'm not even mad. That's just pure amazing. Hail Hikitani, in that case.

Anyways, I'm getting ahead of myself again. I check phone-chan after hours of neglecting it(some part of me is afraid of what's on it, what if I see I was absent to three promises to date today, you know? Hayama is THE popular riajuu, after all). There are messages from at least 27 girls if I go by which individual senders sent hearts with their messages, more than a few from Miura the fire queen, a bunch from the Tobe, Ooka, and Yamato trio, a bunch from trademarked kind girl Yuigahama Yui and even one from fujoshi Ebina Hina.

Sheesh, Hayama, does your popularity know no bounds?

I read the last bunch of messages from Miura and the trio. Apparently they're going to be coming over tomorrow with Gahama and Fujoshi Ebina before school to pick me up. I was about to type a reply when I hear a gasp from behind me. I instantly know who it is.

Of course if I'm wrong, I probably have a knife pointed to my back or a gun pointed to my head, so I'll just go ahead and assume it's Sayori.

"Um, young master…" she says. Actually, it's been bothering me. Let's not be as conceited as Hayama.

I shake my head. "Sayori, please call me..." I shake away my hesitance. "Please call me Hayato." I see her get ready to reject it so I cut her off. "At least when it's just you and me." I ask her. I just don't want to feel as spoiled and perfect as Hayama Hayato, blonde riajuu mask of perfection.

I see her relax a bit. "Okay…" she mutters worriedly.

At her scarcely heard affirmative, I change the subject. "So what are you doing in my room, and right behind me, too?" I make sure to look stern and accusatory. Or try.

She giggles, of all things. Damn this handsome riajuu face. "You're not good at looking stiff, Hayato-sama." Oh god, that sama suffix.

"Please don't use that suffix." I beg her.

"As you command, master." She winks.

A sigh. " _Just Hayato_ , please."

Somehow I feel like her smile at _Just Hayato_ was much, much less innocent.

She retakes my attention. "I just wanted to call you for dinner." She says. I nod in understanding, but I still wait for her to continue. "Um, Hayato?"

"Yes?" I reply.

"Sorry for peeking into your messages like I did. I won't do it again." She apologizes, and she seems sincere enough.

I nod to her apology. "It's alright."

"I saw that your friends are coming over tomorrow morning. Should I hide tomorrow?" she asks me.

I look at her quizzically. "Why would you need to hide?"

She sends back her own look of confusion. "Your friends might misunderstand our situation of me living here with you, right?"

Ohhh it must be a riajuu thing because he's a popular guy with a cute girl as his maid. It would cause problems if people know he lives alone with a young girl. What annoying riajuu problems, ugh. I'm going to change some things here.

"No, no, it's okay." I tell her. "You don't need to hide."

Her eyes widen. "R-Really?" she whispers. "Yay!" she cheers, even pumping her first in the air. "Can I walk with you to school, then?"

"Yeah sure-" Wait. What.

Sayori studies in Sobu High? What? Never mind the title of the story being My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU, it should be called There's No Way My Cute Maid Studies In The Same School as I do!

"You study in Sobu High?" I need her to confirm. And possibly prevent the creation of literature clubs. Please.

"Yeah, of course. How could you forget that?" she pouts, glaring cutely. "I even asked you about your opinion on literature clubs. I wanted to make a literature club because Sobu doesn't have one. I'll probably start the paperwork and stuff soon, though a few of my friends already agreed to join!" she tells me.

I am not starting a horror story called There's No Way My Cute Maid Studies In The Same School as I do! No way, this is not happening! If I write this down in my life as a light novel, it is definitely going to be Life as a Blonde Riajuu is Wrong, as I Expected!

"Uh, yeah. What year are you, Sayori?" Let's stop this club before it begins. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts.

"Are you okay, Hayato? I'm your classmate! We've been second years for only 2 weeks now, but how could you forget me so easily?" she looks like she's about to burst into tears. I feel bad already. I'd feel bad if my classmate and housemate forgot my existence.

I put my hand on her shoulder. "It's okay. It will all be okay. Don't worry Sayori."

She looks like she's calmed down a bit, which must be because of the Hayama pretty face. Seriously, this Hayama pretty face is more overpowered than Ardent Censor.

I continue. "It'll be fine. Just don't start any clubs for now. Why don't you join my club?" I ask her without thinking.

"The soccer club?" she tilts her head. "I'd love to go, but I'm not sure my friends would be interested. I already promised to make a club with them so I can't just go leave them…" She declines.

There is no way I am going to let anyone named Sayori make a literature club. Do I have to use it? My last resort? The ultimate weapon I gained from my power up into blonde riajuu greatness?

I charge up my chi. _Aurgh._

Fail. At least I got the blonde part of the super saiyan thing.

I gather up my courage. "Sayori, actually, I was thinking of making a club! Could you and your friends join me? I'll make it super fun, I promise! It'll be a place where we can all hang out and enjoy our hobbies."

She hopped in excitement, but her reaction wasn't what I expected. "Oh that's great! Make the Literature Club with me! It'll be fun~." And with that, she walked away, whistling, keeping the hop to her step and gaining a noticeably swaying hip. As great as the sight was, I couldn't help but sigh.

I lost the soccer club just like that.

* * *

I apologize in advance for the overabundance of Doki Doki Literature Club hahaha... Clearly I'm still severely traumatized. But I swear we'll see the Oregairu cast next chapter! Next chapter stars Miura, Gahama, and Ebina in their visit to Hayato's residence! This chapter was written because I wanted to set the setting of Hayato. He lives with the maid, Sayori, his dad visits every now and then, he's rich, and our SIOC gets to inherit all that. Isn't he lucky?

Although unfortunately for SIOC, as he will immediately notice with his almost-Hachiman-level-eyes, something isn't quite right.

See you guys next chapter! This is my first fanfic but I hope you enjoy it!


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